Progression and Preliminary Practices

So here we get into the intent and execution divide that is currently taking over my creative thought. My original intent is never truly there at the conclusion of my projects and sometimes it's a case of the mark that was made being better than the one intended which results in a cataclysmic flow and development in the experiences of my final products. Although I start out with set outcomes and intentions I understand in fact I hope that my pieces take a life of their own in the execution process that is different from the envisioned one and hopefully a better reincarnation of the original intended outcome. However, I'm beginning to realize that I think TOO much about the outcome and maybe not enough about the my own parameters. 

Especially, in the case of the box project I think that the original concept and parameters that I set for myself became convoluted and over though out, almost beat with a stick and got the freedom of flow sucked out of it when it was discussed time and time again. 

Since the suspense was built for this piece even within myself, I didn't feel  the same new discovery that I have had in the past or could have had the possibility to experience had I executed this piece sooner in a more raw form in August. However, anticlimactic the overall artistic experience may have been, I don't think there is disvalue to this piece because the internal process was far more intriguing for me personally in my own development. 

It is completee

3 Panels

After 2 Hours:

After 3 Hours:

After 4 Hours:

After 5 Hours:

After 6 Hours (Pictures Taken Next Day):

While I was in the box, my mind was racing with thoughts of time, how I am choosing to be outside the sets constructs of time set by society by enclosing myself in a separate construct of my own for 6 hours. I had to be locked in something in order to be outside of the greater constraints of time. I wanted to feel something, I longed to feel something more and I thought back to a reading and discussion on time in Multimedia where we spoke of how movement in space affects time and comparatively time slows down when we are still- but for me time moves faster when I am sleeping but time slows down when I am consciously still. This empty dream state creates an alternate scheme of time and through the act of sleep I was able to trick time in my own experience and cheat it to make my consciousness in time be shorter than the allotted duration. It creates a strange scale of removing myself from the equation of time in different levels. Where my entering the box is breaking the surface of defying standards of time constraint and when asleep in the dream world is another level escaping time. Even though I escaped different time constraints once within the box and for a set time period, I created a new construct of time as it related to the new objectives and deadlines I set for myself. I was concerned with having enough paint, I couldn't find inspiration for my paintings in the beginning and as I began to use my hands more in spurts, various images began to form and and an organic flow was being created but it was created because I was more concentrated on the colors, balancing the colors, feeling the flow and texture growing not only on the canvas around me but also accumulating on my hands.

I think moving forward, my primary concern is not my audience but how my art affects myself. How does the experience transform me? How can I set parameters that don't define my intent and their outcomes but rather develop my own original intent?